The Slayers Go To Wal-Mart
by Quicksilver the Archangel
Summary: Your favorite Slayers characters at the allmighty Wal-Mart. Please R
1. Naga

Author's Note: Okay, why Wal-Mart? Why not K-Mart or anywhere else? Well. I like Wal-Mart. And it's a big joke in the family. just sit back and enjoy.  
  
"Oh Lina-san! I can't believe we're finally here!"  
  
The red-haired sorceress obviously did not share her companion's enthusiasm. "Sylphiel, tell me again WHY we are at this wall place?"  
  
Sylphiel clasped her hands under her chin, "I have to pick up a present for Gourry-sama! They have EVERYTHING at Wal-Mart!"  
  
Lina sweat-dropped, "But it's not even his birthday!"  
  
The blue-haired woman did not hear her (or if she did, pretended not to) and they both went in. "Now. what do you think Gourry-sama would like?"  
  
"Anything with food involved." Lina mumbled.  
  
This place was SO busy! People coming and going and going coming. What a chaotic mess!  
  
Sylphiel groaned, "Lina-san! I have to pick a GOOD present for Gourry- sama. Even if we have to walk down every single aisle, I WILL find the perfect gift!"  
  
Lina scowled, "Well, YOU can go check down every aisle if you want. I'M going to just wander around."  
  
So, they separated. Lina, not really knowing where she was going, walked into the underwear section.  
  
"OHHOHOHOHOHOHO!"  
  
She froze, "That laugh. no. it can't be!"  
  
But it was. Naga the White Serpent, clad in her usual attire, jiggled her way over to the sorceress, "If it isn't my little sidekick, Lina! How are you?"  
  
Lina gulped, managing to be polite, "I'm just fine, Naga. So. what brings you here?"  
  
"OHHOHOHO! Silly Lina does not know these things! It is 2 for 1 day in the leather bikini section, though I doubt they have anything in YOUR size!"  
  
She could feel her face becoming red, and she mumbled, "I have to go now Naga. got some. er. important shopping to do. For L-sama and stuff, you know. See ya around."  
  
Naga, who had just found two leather bikinis that looked just like her own, only laughed, "OHHOHOHOHOHO!"  
  
Author's Note 2: Okay, here I need public opinion. Please tell me who you'd like to see doing what in Wal-Mart. I already used the obvious Naga, and I'd like to include YOUR favorites. So, please review. Please? I plan on using Zelgadis, Gourry, Amelia, Xellos, Filia, Valgaav, Phibby, L- sama, Gaav the Demon Dragon King and others. But tell me what to have them do! 


	2. Zelgadis

Author's Note: I will try to update this story regularly, but I don't get to type that much. So please, bear with me, and I will try and do the requests. This chapter is Zel's. Yeah.  
  
Lina hastily ran from the section that held Naga, running and hiding in the beauty department. There she encountered a sight she never would have imagined.  
  
Zelgadis, the overly pessimistic and depressed Chimera, was reaching for, of all the things. BODY LOTION!  
  
She laughed, running up and slapping him on the back, "Hey, Zel! I don't mean to be rude, but I REALLY don't think that lotion is going to change your rocky epidermis."  
  
The Chimera turned to face her, "First, I'm surprised that you know what epidermis means. Second, of course not! But, I am not without hope!"  
  
Lina blinked, "Nani?"  
  
Zelgadis smirked, "Wal-Mart CLAIMS to have everything! Well, if they have 'everything' then they certainly have the cure for a Chimera."  
  
The sorceress looked into his buggy, seeing only various lotions and coffee and tea, "I take it you haven't found it yet?"  
  
He sweat-dropped, "No."  
  
Lina nodded, "That's what I thought."  
  
Zelgadis sighed, "I'm not going to find it, am I?"  
  
She shrugged, "Well, no. You see, I think I know why. All of your rabid fan girls LIKE you as a bishounen Chimera. So, in order to keep the fan girls happy, you must remain a Chimera."  
  
At the mention of 'fan girls', Zelgadis immediately began to look around. Sure enough. as was his luck, he was spotted.  
  
"ZELGADIS-SAMA!"  
  
Lina laughed as her friend was chased away by fan girls, "Have fun Zel!"  
  
"ZELGADIS-SAMA!"  
  
"SSSSSSSAAAAAAVVVVEEE MEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
Author's Note 2: You like? You dislike? Cheese? 


	3. Amelia

Author's Note: Thanks to all those who have reviewed this story. I feel so loved. Umm. I guess this is as a good a time as any to state the couples I support. even though they will have no real bearing upon the story, at least I don't think so. Anyway, the only couples I write about are Lina/Gourry and Martina/Zongalous. Yeah. so, if I don't make references to YOUR favorite couple, that's why. I apologize.  
  
Lina, humming a merry little tune, wandered into the gaming department. She heard the shoutings of a raving female, sounding a little something like this.  
  
"HAHAHAHA! I GOT YOU! YOU DIE BLEEDING AT MY FEET, PLEADING FOR MERCY. NO MERYCY FOR YOU, NOR FOR ANYONE!"  
  
Concerned, the red-haired sorceress ran over to find. Amelia!  
  
Yes, the little Justice-loving, pole-posing, never-wanting-to-fight-except- in-the-sake-of-Justice girl was playing Rainbow Six, and taking particular delight in shooting all of the evil villains. That was very Amelia. What was NOT very Amelia was that she was also shooting all of the hostages.  
  
Lina ran over, "AMELIA?!"  
  
Amelia turned around, her face immediately paling, "L-Lina-san. I was. just. umm. playing a game!"  
  
Lina's eyes widened, "So I heard. but what causes you to be so violent?"  
  
"Oh, that would be me," A merry voice chirped, and it was no surprise to either of them to see the smiling face of Xellos.  
  
Amelia paled so more, "W-What do you mean, Xellos-san?"  
  
Lina was rather curious herself, though (for once) she didn't say anything. The purple-haired priest only smiled, giving her an indirect kiss, "Sore wa himitsu desu!"  
  
Amelia, as Lina had when receiving her first indirect kiss, blushed the color of blood and beets, but unlike Lina, her voice turned to one of rage, "ARGH! NOW I HAVE TO GO WASH ALL OF THIS ICKY ICKY EVIL OF THE ICKY MAZOKU OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEE! ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH I NEED TO KILL SOMEONE!"  
  
She turned to the computer, killed someone, and then ran off.  
  
Lina blinked, "That was weird, but I don't think you had to be so mean Xellos."  
  
She looked around, "Xellos?"  
  
But no one was there.  
  
Author's Note 2: NOW do you see why I made my statement of couples at the top? ^_^;; Pop in appearances from Xellos will probably be often since I am a rabid Xellos fan. Anything particularly mean you would like to see happen to him, since he's probably going to ruin everyone else's shopping experiences? 


	4. Gourry

Author's Note: I apologize for my lateness in updating. I will try to write more frequently for both this and my other fic 'Pleasure and Pain'. Thanks to all those who have reviewed. Part written for NoV-chan, and the very end is from Excel Saga. I love that show.  
  
After the disturbing experiences she had just been in, Lina hastily went to a section that she KNEW would make her feel better, FOOD!  
  
Her red eyes turned into the classic anime teary ones, "Dragon Ball Z gummies, Captain Crunch cereal, and cheddar cheese. I have missed you."  
  
She was bumped into by a cart, and she whirled around to give whoever it was what-for, but Gourry just waved, "Hello!"  
  
Lina was so surprised to see him in Wal-Mart that she did not rant and rave as she usually did, "Gourry! What are you doing here?"  
  
The blonde swordsman pointed to his buggy, "I'm getting snacks for our next trip. We never have enough."  
  
The red-haired sorceress couldn't agree more, but she noticed a sword in the buggy as well, "What's this?"  
  
Gourry shrugged, "The sign said something about 'Howling Sword Part 3'."  
  
Lina grinned, "So it's a magical sword."  
  
"But not just ANY magical sword Lina-chan." Xellos giggled appearing from nowhere to float over their heads. "Haven't either of you thought of Zongalous? I do believe he was dragged into arts and crafts by his dim- witted bimbo of a wife."  
  
Gourry blinked, "Who's Zongalous?"  
  
Lina sweatdropped, "The man who keeps trying to duel with you?"  
  
Gourry laughed, "Oh yeah. I wonder how he is."  
  
Lina hissed, "I don't care so long as he stays far far away from me!"  
  
"Now now Lina-chan, that's not very nice." Xellos cheerfully scolded her. "After all just because he got married to Martina and you are horribly jealous of their happiness should not mean anything."  
  
Lina's face turned as red as her hair, and she was started to call a Dragon Slave.  
  
Xellos meeped, "GOO-CHAN! SAVE MEEEEE!"  
  
Gourry meeped as the Mazoku priest landed in his arms.  
  
Lina gagged, but completed the spell, allowing her jealousy to flow into it.  
  
Three aisles blew up.  
  
And somewhere, L-sama looked at her game boy screen. Gourry fell dying, "L- sama. I thought you would have saved me."  
  
The screen flashed, "Continue?"  
  
L-sama pressed yes.  
  
Gourry rose from the smoke, coughing, "Ouchies."  
  
Xellos, who sat on his chest, giggled, "That was fun." 


	5. Valgaav

Lina felt much better after she had blown up three aisles of Wal-Mart. She hummed a merry little tune, walking for some unknown reason in the pharmacy.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE ANY PROZAC?!"  
  
The red-haired sorceress recognized the voice, and so it was no surprise to find Valgaav arguing with the pharmacist.  
  
The pharmacist smiled brightly, "I am so sorry, but you have no prescription. Without a prescription, I cannot allow you to have such a powerful anti-depressant."  
  
Valgaav looked about ready to knock the silly grin off of her face, but he sank back into a strange calm, "Okay, I understand. but, please tell me, where do you keep your guns?"  
  
She smiled even brighter, "Why, in the sporting good's section. Go to the left, you can't miss it."  
  
The Mazoku/Dragon nodded, and Lina gulped as he walked to the section. She ran to the pharmacist, "RUN! RUN NOW!"  
  
The pharmacist just smiled her strangely happy smile, and Valgaav returned holding a large rifle. He aimed carefully, "Now, lady of the strange smile, give me my Prozac or DIE!"  
  
The pharmacist lost her cheerful smile, her eyes burning with hatred, "Let's get it on."  
  
Lina only yawned as they broke out into a classic anime fight scene. There was some blood, some shouting, some more of both, but eventually, Valgaav was the victor.  
  
He crossed the counter, grabbed the medication, and sighed, "Why do I always have to fight so hard for my pills?"  
  
Then, he left to go find something more important to do with his gun.  
  
Having nothing better to do, Lina followed him. First, he picked up a pack of garters (for Filia-mama of course), and he then grabbed some horn oil (midnight black, guaranteed to make those black horns shine).  
  
Next, for no apparent reason, he broke into tears at the sight of some orange trench coats.  
  
"Lina-chan. don't you know it's not NICE to spy on people?"  
  
Lina jumped at least 3 feet at the sound of Xellos' voice, and she hissed, "Shut up. I don't want Valgaav to find me."  
  
The Mazoku priest only smiled, taking a deep breath to call out, "OH VAL- KUN! LOOKIE LOOKIE, TIS THE MURDERER OF YOUR BELOVED GGGAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVV- SAMA!"  
  
Valgaav immediately spotted Lina, and he gripped the gun tightly, "LINA INVERSE! YOU SHALL DIIIIIIIIIE!"  
  
Lina sweat-dropped, "no, I'm the star of the show, remember?"  
  
Valgaav blinked, "So?"  
  
Xellos chirped, "So, even if you try to kill Lina, it will only be YOU who ends up dying!"  
  
Valgaav snarled, lowering the gun "Stupid writers."  
  
Lina swiftly left before he changed his mind.  
  
Author's Note: Argh. this chapter stank. I apologize to all of you Valgaav fans. if you flame me, I will understand. Again, my SINCEREST apologies to the Val fans. 


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE  
  
I know updates for all my stories, especially "Slayers at Wal-Mart" and "Pleasure and Pain" are slow in coming. I apologize, but I am sick and words don't seem to flow well onto the paper as I type or write. As soon as I get better, I promise to have updates more frequently. Thanks for your support.  
  
Quicksilver the Archangel 


	7. Lord of Nightmares and Xellos PART ONE

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love comments, I really do. I even welcome flames to a certain extent. But when you are too much of a COWARD to put your own NAME down, I lose respect for you. So, whoever the anonymous and I do mean ANONYMOUS flamer was, I just want to take this moment to tell you that you are scum. Now, for all my REAL commenters, thanks and please enjoy. ^_^;; Part One of Two. I know it's not complete.  
  
  
  
  
  
Quicksilver the Archangel sat before her computer screen, re-reading how badly she had written the chapter for poor Valgaav. Determined to make it up to her audience, she prayed to the all might L-sama, asking her to appear in her fiction. And this is what resulted.  
  
L-sama walked into Wal-Mart, looking rather bored indeed. Well, let's face it, when you're the creator of all the universe there's really not much point in you going to Wal-Mart. But, someone had prayed very hard and with all their might for her to make an appearance, and here she was.  
  
She decided to go looking in the book section. Usually there was SOMETHING there she could almost get interested in, considering she knew what was written after the first couple of words. She actually found two books that looked rather interesting, "How To Control Your Chaos Children" and "The Dummy's Way of Commanding the Universe."  
  
She began to read, and her eyes widened, "This is great! I've never seen such wisdom!"  
  
Then she read the author's name with a sigh, "Of yes. of course. I wrote these books. no wonder."  
  
She placed the books down, and began walking. Why? Why did she have to listen to the prayers of her little creations? Couldn't they do ANYTHING on their own?  
  
She saw Lina out of the corner of her eye, running around and finding everyone from the dumb blonde who had saved her life to that Ancient Dragon. Yes. this author had some deep issues from somewhere.  
  
"Hello almighty, all-powerful, could-destroy-us-with-a-single-thought Lord of Nightmares!"  
  
L-sama blinked, staring at the smiling, almost cheruby face before her. "Greetings Xellos."  
  
The General-Priest of Xellas Metallium bowed, but then he was up again with his normal genki expression, "Is there anyway I can serve you?"  
  
The blonde sighed, "I'm trying to find a way to 'grace' this girl's story with my presence without growing bored."  
  
Xellos nodded, "Well. you could go around bothering all the other shoppers like I do. but I doubt you would enjoy that."  
  
L-sama smirked, "How about I just annoy. you then?"  
  
He blinked, "Nani?"  
  
A snap of the Lord of Nightmares fingers, and one of those ANNOYING little people came right up to Xellos. "Oh, what a PRETTY daughter you have miss! Purple. must be a bit or a rebel. but we here at the Wal-Mart clothing department have everything!"  
  
L-sama laughed as the struggling Mazoku was dragged away, "I think I could like it here." 


	8. Lord of Nightmares and Xellos PART TWO

Author's Note: I would actually like to thank the Unknown Flamer, who has graciously reappeared into reading a fic he did not especially like and saying that it has gotten better. Also, I appreciate you putting a NAME instead of a blank. To finally ANWSER your question, I do not feel my story idea is any more crazy and bizarre than anyone else's that I've read. The characters are MOSTLY in character, and it has the typical Slayers silliness. I actually think it's a rather good idea, and I am merely surprised that no one has thought of it before. And now. onto the torture of Xellos-sama! ^_^;; More Excel Saga ripoff.  
  
And so it began.  
  
L-sama sat back in a chair as the unfortunate Mazoku was paraded before her in countless outfits. Traditional Sailor fuku, pink dress with chicks, sheep, and ponies, but what got the goddess truly laughing was the bunny suit.  
  
Xellos could feel his eye twitching, and he pleaded, "Lord of Nightmares. I understand your laugher. but PLEASE end this!"  
  
She seemed to consider it, "Hmm. maybe ONE more thing and I will."  
  
A snap of her fingers was all that was required for the four principle members of the Slayers gang to appear, and immediately it began.  
  
"XELLOS-SAN! HOW DARE YOU POSE IN THAT BUNNY SUIT?! IT'S UNJUST!"  
  
"HAHAHAHA! THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!"  
  
". I like cheese?"  
  
Xellos shirked away from them, but not before Zelgadis snapped a picture, a quiet but evil laugh coming from him, "Blackmail for eternity."  
  
For the first time in countless ages, Xellos was too embarrassed to speak, and he teleported onto the Astral Plain.  
  
Once he was there, he popped in a Barney tape and watched it until he died.  
  
(Cool music plays)  
  
Xellos was back in his own clothing, floating in space. A round circle of swirling black and blue with two arms appeared, and began to speak.  
  
"Xellos? Xellos. you cannot die yet! Think of all the Slayers episodes you must show in, not to mention the webcomics, fan art, and fanfiction. It's time to go back."  
  
And so it was that the Will brought him back to life, and Xellos realized he was stuck with the mercy of the author and her readers. In other words. he was doomed.  
  
Author's Note: I know, short. Sorry. 


	9. A Connecting Chapter Write in Reviews wh...

Author's Note: More Will. more of the Great Will. hmmmmmm. okay here it goes. The Will in this Chapter dedicated to MoroTheWolfGod! Not much. sorry. had to squeeze her in. ^_^;; Okay folks. here's the question of the day. Would you actually like to see Phibby and Gaav next, or would you like to know what Xellos-sama is shopping for first? Also, who you wanna see next with who? I know this chapter is kinda lame, but it's a connector.  
  
Xellos reappeared in the Wal-Mart, and he plastered his trademark smile to his face, "Hullo all!"  
  
L-sama snickered, "I see you have decided to don your normal apparel?"  
  
The Mazoku continued smiling, "Bunny suit and I had a falling out. you know how it can be."  
  
Amelia struck a justice pose, "Xellos-san! I know that you wore that Bunny suit just to embarrass Zelgadis-san. Even though you are a Mazoku, you must surely have some form of Justice! The mighty hammers of Justice are beating upon your little Mazoku nail head! Can't you feel the mighty Justice hugging upon you, the bells of Justice ringing?"  
  
Zelgadis muttered, "I think I hear the bells of warning in my head ringing."  
  
Lina sighed, "What do you expect? This IS Amelia we're talking about here."  
  
Gourry blinked, "You mean she doesn't have some kind of talking disorder?"  
  
Xellos hummed the tune to But, But, But,, completlely blocking out the Justice-loving princess.  
  
Amelia took a deep breath, "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME XELLOS-SAN?!"  
  
The violet-haired priest looked at her, "Did you say something, Amelia?"  
  
The Princess could feel her eye twitch, "If you excuse me. I think I will just go and play Nuclear War Three: Return of the Blood Leeching Slugs."  
  
Xellos could not honestly say he was sorry he was leaving, so he said nothing. Lina sighed again (as Gourry had managed to get himself lost in the many cloak racks), and she asked, "Xellos. no offense. but please never get in the bunny suit again."  
  
"Awwww. I kinda liked the bunny suit Lina-chan!" L-sama giggled.  
  
Zelgadis smirked, "And now he can't tease me about it! It's so wonderful!"  
  
Xellos giggled, opening his eyes to amethyst slits, "Ah, but I still have a picture of a certain Chimera being given 'artificial respiration' by a dirty old chef."  
  
The Chimera paled, "No."  
  
Xellos smirked, "Oh yes. Don't make me bring them out?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
The Mazoku smiled broadly, "Okay then! Now you have to help me shop!"  
  
Zelgadis' eyes bulged, "WHAT?!"  
  
Xellos grinned, "Is it such a big price to pay for keeping those pictures?"  
  
"Burn the pictures and you've got a deal."  
  
L-sama murmured, "Deal with the Devil."  
  
Xellos shook the Chimera's hand, "Done!"  
  
The Lord of Nightmares, seeing that now was her chance to escape this incredibly strange fiction, decided to go. As she was walking towards the exit, she saw a swirly black and blue mass with nothing but legs holding it up running around, trying to hide somewhere.  
  
She called out, "HEY WILL! Come on will you?"  
  
The Will pouted (OOC Don't ask how.), "L-sama?! What if I'm needed?"  
  
L-sama shrugged, "Then you can come back. Come on. I know where Pedro is at the moment."  
  
With that, the Will and L-sama left Wal-Mart.  
  
Author's Note Two: Argh. no YAOI. no Shonen-Ai with Xellos-sama and Zelgadis-kun. I swear. but what ya'll wanna see next? Sorry, I know this chapter kind of stinks, but I'm really trying to update more often for ya'll. 


	10. The Rabid FanGirls Really ARE Rabid

Author's Note: You must give me time for all of the requests. I will be doing them in the order I am inspired. Please no kill Quickie. ^_^;;; I am trying to comply to your wishes. really I am.  
  
Xellos seemed much happier now that he had the bishounen Chimera with a depression problem keeping him company. Lots of delicious angst to be found from Zelgadis.  
  
One their way to a certain part of the store, they passed a free sample table. Now, Xellos did not want to stop for a free sample of anything. But Zelgadis had stopped, and he whispered in a hushed voice, "No. it can't be!"  
  
But it was. Rows upon rows of hot, steaming cups of coffee were on the table, and of course, Zelgadis could not help but reach out and take a cup.  
  
Bad idea apparently. A net instantly came down, ensnaring the Chimera.  
  
"Ha ha! It actually worked."  
  
Xellos blinked as an orange-trench coat sporting man stepped from the shadows. "Ummm. Gaav?"  
  
Gaav chuckled, "Yes! It is I! Gaav the Demon Dragon King!"  
  
Zelgadis mimicked Xellos in the blinking, "Umm. didn't Hellmaster Phibrizzo kill you?"  
  
The sword-carrying Mazoku shrugged, "So I get brought back to life in a fanfic. What's so hard to understand about that?"  
  
"Nothing, but what do you want with Zel-kun?"  
  
Gaav smirked, "I figure that if I capture both of you, I can ransom your Rabid Fan Girls!"  
  
Xellos blinked again, "That's. just. odd."  
  
Zelgadis nodded, "For once, I agree."  
  
Gaav blinked, "Why?"  
  
They both spoke in unison, "Because the rabid fan girls are right behind you. and they don't look too happy."  
  
Sure enough, evil, bloodthirsty, rabid fangirls WERE behind the Demon Dragon King, and they destroyed him.  
  
Zelgadis whispered, "Xellos. get me out of here. and we can both escape all the attention!"  
  
Nodding, the violet-haired priest cut the Chimera down, and they ran away quickly before the fan girls could notice.  
  
Author's Note: I'm trying. I'm trying. I know I stink at writing, but I'm trying. 


	11. Marbles Can Be Evil

Zelgadis sighed in relief as the rabid fan girls became nothing but a distant problem.  
  
Xellos smiled, "Well, that was fun. Now, onward we go!"  
  
The Chimera couldn't resist, "Just what are you looking for anyway?"  
  
The violet-haired priest winked, "Sore wa himitsu desu!"  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped, "I should never have asked."  
  
The General Priest merely smiled his constant smile and they walked down aisle after aisle of Wal-Mart.  
  
Zelgadis' pointed ear twitched slightly as he heard a shattering sound, "Xellos. did you hear that?"  
  
Xellos listened, and he nodded, "Hai." He then smirked, "And I'm sure you want to go investigate it?"  
  
Transforming into Chibi form, the Chimera poked his fingers together, "Well. I mean. I am a little curious."  
  
The Mazoku laughed, and as they turned the corner, they found what was causing the sound.  
  
"Hello there Chimera man! And Xellos too."  
  
Zelgadis sighed, "What is it with us finding Mazoku we thought were dead?  
  
Xellos shrugged, "It is a fanfic."  
  
Hellmaster Phibrizzo pouted, "You almost sound as though you aren't happy to see me."  
  
"What ever gave you that idea?" Zelgadis sneered.  
  
The child-sized Mazoku held up a golden orb, a very FAMILIAR golden orb, "I AM still Hellmaster."  
  
The Chimera gasped as Phibbrizzo cracked the orb, and he began to scream, "AHHHHHHHH! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE!"  
  
Xellos and Phibby both fell over in laughter as Zelgadis calmed down. Then, he got really angry, and a classic anime big face appeared, "WHY ON EARTH DID YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT?!"  
  
The child smirked, "Because your anger is delicious. Besides. YOU were the one who assumed that harmless little marble controlled your life energy."  
  
Xellos giggled, "If you had bothered to look, you would have realized that he had a whole bag of marbles."  
  
Zelgadis looked, and sure enough, the marble was blue instead of gold, and there WAS a whole bag at the child's feet.  
  
He muttered, turning to walk away, "I hate you both."  
  
Xellos immediately floated by his shoulder, "Yes. and it tastes like chocolate."  
  
Zelgadis' eye twitched and he did run away. Xellos sighed, turning to Phibrizzo, "Looks like I must chase after my unwilling companion. Ja ne Phibby!"  
  
Author's Note: Lookie! Two chapters in one weekend! (feels proud) 


	12. Purple Fluffy Towels

Author's Note: Many thanks to all who have reviewed my ficcie! I don't really know how much longer it will continue. I guess it depends how much I am inspired. No worries about ending TOO soon though! ^_^ At the very least I am going to do Zellas and Joe. And if you guys really love it that much, I will continue with any character you choose.  
  
"We're here Zel-kun!"  
  
Damn that annoyingly cheerful voice! It had been embarrassing enough to have a thousand year old (or even older than that) Demon grab you by the arm and drag you unwillingly behind him, but when he made it seem so easy. ARGH!  
  
Xellos purred, "Yummy anger and frustration. chocolate chip cookies with milk."  
  
Zelgadis hissed, "Can we hurry up and get this over with?"  
  
The General-Priest only smiled, "Other plans, Zel-kun?"  
  
The Chimera sweatdropped, "AND DON'T CALL ME ZEL-KUN!"  
  
Xellos smirked, "Would you prefer, Zel-chan?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Zelgabunny?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Wittle bitty Zelly poo?"  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"  
  
"Then Zel-kun it is!" The violet-haired Mazoku chirped cheerfully.  
  
Zelgadis growled, "I hate you."  
  
Xellos nodded, "I know. tastes like chocolate cake."  
  
The Chimera sighed, "So, what is it that you dragged me halfway across this stinking store to see?"  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu!"  
  
Zelgadis glanced up to the little sing son the aisles, and he read aloud, "Bath. department?  
  
"Yup! And here's what we've come all this way to find!"  
  
The startled Chimera watched in disbelief as Xellos handed him. a purple fluffy towel.  
  
Zelgadis could feel his eye twitch, "You dragged me all the way here. got me ensnared by a Mazoku, scared by another, and embarrassed me relentlessly just for. a purple fluffy towel?!"  
  
Xellos pouted, "Of course not! I would never do that to you."  
  
Zelgadis blinked.  
  
The violet-haired man made a shopping cart appear from nowhere, "I dragged you over here, got you ensnared by a Mazoku, scared by another and embarrassed you relentlessly for. A WHOLE SHOPPING CART FULL OF PURPLE FLUFFY TOWELS!"  
  
The Chimera facefaulted, "My life is a lie."  
  
Author's Note 2: Can I tell you a secret? (_) (_) I have a slight obsession with Purple Fluffy Towels! ( 


	13. The Beginning of A Duel

Author's Note: This chapter was requested by two different people. so I don't remember who to dedicate it to. Sorry it was so long in coming. and thanks to all my reviewers! You guys really make me continue writing (feels loved). Some more stealing from Excel Saga. but just a wittle  
  
Some of you may be wondering whatever happened to Lina and Sylphiel. If the readers would kindly recall, Sylphiel went off in search of the perfect gift for Gourry. Well, some of the friendly Wal-Mart workers brainwashed her into believing she was Wonder Woman, and she is know fighting crime in some little known city far far away.  
  
As for everyone's favorite red-haired sorceress, she somehow managed to escape the perils of the store and wander across the street, where there is an all-you can eat buffet. They will only appear by request, since more people seem to like the adventures of Xel and Zel. And now, to the story.  
  
Zelgadis pushed the shopping cart full of purple fluffy towels, eyeing his companion, "You realize we're going to be stuck together for a while."  
  
Xellos only smiled, "Of course! It is the will of the author, not to mention our rabid fans."  
  
The Chimera sighed, "Why? Why am I stuck with you?!"  
  
The Mazoku gave a toss of his violet hair, "Because we're bound together by the red string of fate!"  
  
Zelgadis howled when a red string became visible in Xellos' gloved hands, "DON'T SAY THAT! Besides, you know as well as I that the red string is used for-"  
  
"Zelgadis? Is that you?"  
  
Both turned to see a familiar Golden Dragon Priestess (OOC If that's what she is. I don't like Filia that much so I never bothered to find out.), and she hissed, "AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRAVELING WITH THE NAMAGOMI?!"  
  
Xellos' eye twitched, "Nice to see you too Fi-chan."  
  
Filia hissed again, "AND DON'T CALL ME FI-CHAN!"  
  
Zelgadis could see the evil smirk lighting Xellos' face, and he sighed, "You shouldn't have said that."  
  
"Would you prefer Stinky Dragon?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Scaled Lizard who Knows Nothing of Cleaning Habits?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Filia, the jewel that lights up the nights of all the men in town?"  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"  
  
Xellos smirked, "Then Fi-chan it is!"  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped, "You always have to do that don't you?"  
  
The General-Priest nodded, "It's a compulsion thing. not to mention the author really likes it."  
  
Filia cleared her throat, "Back to non-reality?"  
  
Xellos grinned, floating, "What? No game of Let's-Watch-The-Dragon-Try-To- Hit-The-Mazoku?"  
  
Zelgadis yanked on his cloak, causing the Mazoku to fall back to the ground, "Later. stop baiting her."  
  
The Golden Dragon smiled, "Arigato Zelgadis-san. What brings you to the tea section?"  
  
The Chimera's eyes widened, "Tea. section?"  
  
Xellos sat up, brushing himself up, "I can see where this is going!"  
  
Filia took a step back as Zelgadis pointed to her, "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL! WINNER TAKES THE TEA!"  
  
Author's Note 2: Yes! A duel between Filia and Zel-kun? Your reviews determine what kind of duel and the winner. 


	14. The End of A Duel

Author's Note: So many ideas from you all! But, the only one that proclaimed a winner was Digi-riven, and she chose Filia.  
  
Xellos: You mean you're actually going to let the Dragon WIN?!  
  
Quicksilver: WHY ARE YOU INTERRUPTING MY AUTHOR'S NOTE?!  
  
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_~  
  
Quicksilver: -_-;;  
  
Xellos: Besides, I'm the closest thing to a muse that you have!  
  
Quicksilver: You probably WOULD be my muse if you weren't claimed by half the universe.  
  
Xellos: Who is your muse?  
  
Quicksilver: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_~  
  
And now, the COMPLETION of the Author's Note: As you can see from the popping up of Xellos, I just don't think I could let that happen. so I came up with an alternative plan!  
  
Zelgadis: You mean just ignore all those who have written and do whatever you want?  
  
Quicksilver: O_O  
  
Zelgadis: What?  
  
Quicksilver: Why are YOU interrupting?  
  
Zelgadis: Because I can.  
  
Quicksilver: -__-;; BACK INTO THE STORY WITH YOU!  
  
For the third and hopefully FINAL try at completing the Author's Note: Zelgadis is kind of right. So, I apologize Digi-riven for not totally completing your request. A special thanks goes to Rufus for speaking the desires of Threshie, and a special thanks to her for her ramblings. ^_^ And now. for the actual story.  
  
Lina looked up from her food to stare at the girl befor eher, "Whaddya mean I have to come back into your story?"  
  
The girl's grayish-blue eyes lit up, "Well, you see, on of my readers has requested that you come back into the story!"  
  
The red-haired sorceress rapped her fingers on the empty (for a moment) table, and she spoke, "Well, THIS is your story right now, ne?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And I'm here speaking to you, ne?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Lina got up and grabbed a plate, beginning to shovel food onto it, "Then I'm appearing in your story and you've honored the request!"  
  
The girl sweatdropped and went back to her computer to type the duel.  
  
~o~o~o~  
  
Filia blinked, "Nani?"  
  
Zelgadis smirked, "You heard me! A duel for the tea! Winner takes all."  
  
Xellos coughed slightly until they both glanced at him. The Chimera hissed, "Yes?"  
  
The violet-haired Mazoku smiled, "Well, you know, a NORMAL duel is never going to get you two anywhere! Filia can't use a sword, we're not supposed to know what guns are, magically you are both about even. I just don't see how you're going to solve anything."  
  
The Dragon Priestess growled, "And you suggest?"  
  
Xellos continued to smile, "I suggest. a taste test!"  
  
Zelgadis shook his head, "No way!"  
  
Filia glanced at him, "Why not?"  
  
The Chimera sighed, "Because it means that you and I have to be BLINDFOLDED! And I don't know about you, but I don't trust him that much!"  
  
The General-Priest pouted, "Awwww, what are you afraid of? This fic's rated G!"  
  
Zelgadis sighed again, "Fine."  
  
Filia nodded, "Okay."  
  
Xellos grinned, "GREAT!"  
  
So he blindfolded them and placed 6 cups on a table. "Filia can taste first."  
  
She did, sipping and saying in a puzzled voice, "This tastes like hot chocolate with marshmallows."  
  
Xellos smiled, "Correct! Now, Zelgadis!"  
  
Zelgadis sipped, sweat-dropping, "Mine's hot chocolate without marshmallows."  
  
"Yup!"  
  
Filia growled, "What kind of taste test is this?"  
  
Xellos chirped happily, "My kind! Now, cup number 3."  
  
The Dragon took a sip, gagging, "Coffee. ick."  
  
"Sure is! You're turn Zel-kun!"  
  
"Cherry Coke."  
  
"Correct. Fi-chan?"  
  
"Dr. Pepper."  
  
"Zel-kun?"  
  
"Milk."  
  
Xellos scratched his head, "Well, it's a tie! I guess you both get to split the tea!"  
  
Filia and Zelgadis both facefaulted, and the purple haired Mazoku sipped his hot chocolate.  
  
Author's Note 2: There ya go! What next? 


	15. THe Beginning of A Bet

Author's Note: I suppose this is as good a time as any to tell which couples I do and do not support. It can be summed up pretty easily actually: I support official couples.  
  
Little Girl from Audience: And in Slayers, what are the official couples?  
  
Quicksilver: I'm so glad you asked! I support only Lina/Gourry and Zongalous (Spell check on that please)/Martina. Why? Because they are the ONLY official couples from the show!  
  
Little Girl from Audience, who happens to be Amelia: What?! Zel-kun and I are an official couple!  
  
Zelgadis: -__-;; (Save me)  
  
Quicksilver: (firmly) There never has been any definite proof that you and Zelgadis are supposed to be a couple. In MY fictions, you are nothing but an obsessed girl, and Zelgadis has feelings for you, but they're more like big brother to little sister feelings.  
  
Xellos: (coughs) Forgetting something, Silver-chan?  
  
Quicksilver: Oh yeah! ^_^;;; Likewise, I do not support YAOI or YURI couples in Slayers. I am also not saying that ANYONE who writes these or other couplings are wrong. These are FAN fictions, and I believe anyone can write about whatever they want. I even dabble in the strange couplings from time to time. I just prefer to read them more than write them.  
  
Amelia: (big heart eyes) So you'll write a me and Zelgadis-san love scene?!"  
  
Zelgadis: (facefaults)  
  
Quicksilver: Umm. no. you see, I can't. It gives me physical pain. Literally. if anyone has ever read my other story "April Fools" and seen the part how I mock the A/Z coupling. I say honestly that it tore my heart apart to write it. Same thing for X/ANYONE couplings. I just can't write them.  
  
Xellos: Oh what a lie!  
  
Quicksilver: -_-;; Okay, so I CAN do it, I just don't like to. and so Minimerc, who have been quite a faithful reviewer, I am sorry that I can only partially grant your request, since I can NOT write a Z/A. Gomen nasai! I hope what I have planned will be enough. Also, please look at the rating of this fiction before giving me suggestions. XelAnChan, I will be more than happy to do another request from you, but my fiction is rated G. It's only for amusement and I try and make it acceptable to most ages.  
  
L-sama: You're Author's Notes are turning quite long.  
  
Quicksilver: Oh yes! Thank you for reminding me L-sama! Does anyone object to these? Do you like them? Please tell me so I can go back to the old way if you don't! Any and all suggestions welcome. I try and do most requests! Honestly I do!  
  
Xellos: (in a hushed whisper) She'll do almost any couple for money.  
  
Quicksilver: ACH! DON'T SAY UNTRUE THINGS! (chases him all around the Author's Notes world)  
  
Berkeley Rose: Dunno how or WHY I am here. but onto the story.  
  
Zelgadis sipped a nice cup of tea as they walked away from Filia, and he spoke quietly, "You realize that your taste test had nothing what so ever to do with the tea part of that last chapter don't you Xellos?"  
  
Xellos smiled, "But of course! I can't do anything NORMAL Zel-kun!"  
  
The Chimera sighed, "And where, do I dare ask, are you dragging me too this time?"  
  
The Mazoku grinned, "Do you REALLY want to know?"  
  
Zelgadis drew back half a step, "Somehow, now that you mention it. no."  
  
Xellos pouted, "You're no fun."  
  
The Chimera smirked, "I know. and I'd just about bet my soul that you couldn't make me ADMIT I was having fun!"  
  
The General Priest's amethyst eyes flashed open, and he drew VERY close to the Chimera, "Would you now? Would you REALLY bet your soul?"  
  
Zelgadis pushed the Mazoku back, and he began to make a box with his hands, "This is my space. do not enter my space. If you enter my space I will have to smack you so hard your eyes pop out!"  
  
Xellos just looked up at him, "Would you REALLLLLLLLY bet your soul, Zel- kun?"  
  
The Chimera sighed, "Of course not! Baka."  
  
The violet-haired Mazoku still peered at him, "Well, what would you bet?"  
  
Zelgadis sighed, "What on earth are you thinking about?"  
  
Xellos smiled, "Well. if I can get you to admit you had fun, you will do one task for me in return. Fair?"  
  
The Chimera's eyes narrowed, "And why should I trust you?"  
  
"Because we're stuck in this story together, and you know you're going to accept my bet."  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped, "Sad, but true. Okay. the bet is on."  
  
"Great!" The overly happy Mazoku chirped. Now the Chimera knew he was in trouble. Oh what horrors awaited him in this strange strange place?  
  
As he and Xellos continued walking, he heard music playing from a distance. And they were getting closer to it.  
  
They stepped into the gaming department, and they both blinked to see a strange looking game right in the middle, which was where the music was coming from. It looked like a regular arcade game, except that it had two metal squares with 4 pads on each side. The arrows pointed up, down, left, and right, and who should be playing this game but.  
  
"WOOHOO! AMELIA, QUEEN OF JUSTICE AND LOVE HAS ONCE MORE GOTTEN A HIGH SCORE!"  
  
Zelgadis whispered, "You wanna go see what that game is?"  
  
Xellos whispered back, "You go. she likes you better."  
  
The Chimera sighed, "I was afraid you were going to say that." Stepping forward, he game a wave as well as a shout, "Oy! Amelia!"  
  
The girl looked back, and she smiled, "Hello Zelgadis-san! Would you like to play Dance Dance Revolution with me?"  
  
Zelgadis blinked, "Dance. Dance. Revolution?"  
  
Amelia nodded, somehow dragging him up onto the pad, "It's the most fun game in the history of electronic arcade games! Which we're not supposed to have yet, since we don't technically have electricity in our show, but since we are at the great and powerful Wal-Mart, full of justice-loving hearts, and with love flowing from all sides, we-"  
  
Zelgadis quickly clapped a hand over her mouth, his eye twitching, "Enough already. let's just play the game."  
  
Author's Note 2: Yes. my description of a DDR pad is just funky. Another chapter soon, granted a hurricane doesn't come and blow me away. 


	16. The Middle of A Bet

Author's Note: WAI! I feel very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very loved!  
  
Xellos: Gee. you reckon she feels loved?  
  
Berkeley Rose: I think she does.  
  
Chibi Amelia: (yanks on Rose's coat) Umm. sir? You DO realize this is a SLAYERS fanfiction.  
  
Berkeley Rose: (blinks) Your point?  
  
Regular Amelia: Umm. shouldn't you be in another story?  
  
Quicksilver: Back back Evil Amelia! Leave my Berkeley Rose alone!  
  
Zelgadis: You realize you are adding a FAKE character to this.  
  
Quicksilver: (glares) You realize I can make you dress in pink lace and sing "I'm A Little Tea Pot" if I want.  
  
Zelgadis: Point taken (backs off)  
  
Xellos: (pouts) Amelia has had more lines in this AN than me!  
  
Quicksilver: Well, I'm about to address something about you. I am a rabid Xellos fan. I'm sure people know this.  
  
Everyone in the Whole World Who Has Ever Been Around Me When I Am On A Xellos High: Ohhhhh yeeeeah  
  
Quicksilver: And as such, you can see where I might take suggestions regarding Xellos' sexual preference as well. a problem. I REFUSE to write anything about Xellos being a 'poof' or a 'fairy' or whatever you wish to call it. Why? Because I am a rabid Xellos fan. I may write him trying on women's clothing (since LON FORCED him to) but I will never write about him enjoying it.  
  
Xellos: THANK YOU!  
  
Quicksilver: Obnoxious little author aren't I? I'm VERY open-minded; I'll accept anyone's opinion. But I'm as stubborn as the proverbial mule. Please don't ask me to do funky things like that, and we'll all be just fine.  
  
Zelgadis: And now. to the story.  
  
Xellos floated in the air, quite comfortable. He had a nice hot cup of cocoa, and he was waiting to win his bet. And win he would.  
  
How could he be so sure? Well.  
  
Zelgadis had taken to the DDR pad like a fish to water. He had breezed through the beginning songs with no difficulty. Now he was kicking the butty out of Aphronova, with Amelia in close pursuit. Never has there been a DDR player like the almighty Chimera.  
  
"WE DID IT ZELGADIS-SAN! WE BEAT ALL THE HIGH SCORES!"  
  
Zelgadis shrugged, "This game was so easy."  
  
Amelia looked like she was near tears, "So. you didn't have fun?"  
  
Xellos smiled as the Chimera sighed, "Of course I had fun."  
  
The minute he said it, his blue eyes widened, and he looked to the Mazoku in horror. A smile was all he saw, "I win, Zel-kun."  
  
AND NOW WE TAKE A MOMENT TO GO TO OUR COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
Valgaav: Have you ever died?  
  
Gaav: Had your life removed from your veins?  
  
Phibrizzo: Wondered what it's like to go to the Great Beyond?  
  
Valgaav: Well, you should.  
  
All Three: Dying! It's the next cool thing. not.  
  
BACK TO THE STORY!  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped as he sipped his coffee (which he had gotten during the commercial break), "You're joking."  
  
Xellos grinned, "Nope! You lost the bet! That means you have to do it!"  
  
"But I don't WANT to go on a date with Amelia! I just KNOW that you're going to come in and break her poor little justice-loving heart!"  
  
The violet-haired Mazoku snickered, "Aww. look who's all PROTECTIVE!"  
  
The Chimera flushed, "She's so young and innocent."  
  
Xellos patted him on the head, "I know, I know. And you feel all Big Brother about her, but. you must go on this date so I can ruin it!"  
  
Zelgadis sighed, "Because the author commands?"  
  
Xellos nodded, "HAI!"  
  
The Chimera sighed again, "My life is a lie." ~o~o~o~ Lina's eye twitched as the author continued to pester her. She slammed her fork down, glaring, "Aren't you ever going away?"  
  
The author sighed, "I have to put you in my fic. you're the main flippin' character."  
  
The sorceress shrugged and continued eating, while the author typed it all on her computer.  
  
Author's Note 2: Ugh. late. time for bed. need suggestions for ways to ruin date. I will have the cart races XelAnAngel! Just not now. LOL 


	17. Poor Zelgadis His Life Is A Lie

Author's Note: YAY! 113 reviews and still counting! I really want to take the time to thank all of my readers and reviewers. I've never had so many people take an interest in my work! It makes me feel very special.  
  
Berkeley Rose: Wow, that was a short AN.  
  
Xellos: Well, now that you've begun speaking it will be a little longer.  
  
Zelgadis: Yeah, thanks a lot.  
  
Quicksilver: Somehow I have the distinct impression that you don't like being here, Zel-kun.  
  
Zelgadis: (eye twitches slightly) You wouldn't like it if someone was playing with your destiny either, now would you?  
  
Puchu Bear: (plays with Zelgadis' destiny)  
  
Amelia: AW!!! SO CUTE! (huggles the Puchu bear, forcing him to drop Zelgadis' destiny and cutting his wittle hand)  
  
Puchu Bear: OW! YOU MAKE-A ME BLEED!  
  
Rose: You just HAD to put an Excel Saga joke, didn't you?  
  
Quicksilver: Yup! ;3  
  
Zelgadis: Just so long as you don't start with Tenshi Ni Narumon.  
  
Xellos: Since it seems that someone always has to say it, onto the story.  
  
Amelia blinked at the conversation between the two, "What is all this about a bet, Zelgadis-san?"  
  
Zelgadis looked at her in amazement, "How did you get back here?"  
  
The Princess blinked, "I never left. You and Xellos just started talking and kind of ignored me."  
  
Xellos giggled, "So we have indeed! But, you are about to get maximum attention from a certain Chimera, so what do you have to worry about?"  
  
Zelgadis sent him a deadly glare, but he sighed, speaking in a monotone voice, "Amelia, won't you please come on a date with me?"  
  
What happened next is the worst bit of one-sided cuddling known to man, even rivaling that of J.J. to Dee. Pity the poor Chimera.  
  
"OH ZELGADIS-SAN! YOUHAVENOIDEAHOWHAPPYIAM! INEVERTHOUGHTYOUWOULDEVERASKMEOUTFORANYTHINGANDYOU'REFINALLYSEEINGMEINTHEPRO PERLIGHTANDIFEELSOLOVEDANDIDON'TCAREIFTHISISSOMEKINDOFSTUPIDBET!"  
  
Xellos blinked, "How can she say on that with one breath and no pauses?"  
  
Zelgadis choked, "I DON'T CARE! Just get a crowbar or something and SAVE ME!"  
  
The Mazoku laughed, floating down, "Aw! But it's a A/Z fan's dream come true! You don't REALLY think I could do end that, now do you?"  
  
The blazing fire of twin sapphire eyes seemed to indicate that he could, so Xellos began to tickle the little Princess mercilessly. She realized the Chimera, and between giggles, she gasped out, "That's-unjust!"  
  
The violet-haired Mazoku ceased his actions, smiling in his uncannily happy smile, "True, true. But then again, I'm not known for being just, am I?"  
  
Zelgadis helped Amelia to her feet, and he sighed, "Curse me and my honorable ways! I will never take a bet again."  
  
Xellos smirked, "Care to make a bet on that?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Zelgadis coughed, "Xellos, not to be RUDE or anything, but just where is this 'date' going to be held?"  
  
Xellos smirked, "Well, unless YOU know of anywhere else in this huge store, I suggest the McDonald's."  
  
Amelia perked up, her eyes shining, "Anywhere will be fine so long as I'm with Zelgadis-san."  
  
The Chimera sighed as the sparkles appeared around his face, and he swatted them away quickly, "Fine. Now, does anyone know how to GET there from here?"  
  
Amelia blinked, while Xellos said nothing. Zelgadis sighed again, "Great, just great. I guess I'd better go and find a worker to give us directions."  
  
It was not hard to find one of the unusually perky Wal-Mart workers, and when she heard his question, she began to chatter, "Well, you take a left at Ladies' Wear, then a right at the Food half, follow the aisles until aisle 22, take a left at Sporting Goods, go STRAIGHT through it until you see the Fish in the pet department, get to the third tank, walk forward EXACTLY three steps, look both ways, then cross into the toy department. Once you're there, take two lefts, a right, and a triple axle to Electronics, and then it's right across the hall."  
  
The Chimera blinked, "Right. across. the hall?"  
  
He looked back to Amelia and Xellos, both of whom just pointed to the Golden Arches that had been right in front of them. Zelgadis sighed, "My life is a lie."  
  
Author's Note 2: Sorry so slow in updating; I've been busy. Will try to update with actual dating type stuff soon. no worries! 


End file.
